Sunday, April 11, 2004
it's a sunday n finals r a week away. spent the weekend all alone at home, with nothing to do besides the long (and frequent) argument with my beloved. why oh why must we argue?? just when things were getting a little bit better it had to go downhill. i think the problem lies with me. who else can it be? i know it's my fault for constantly putting the blame on him but what else can i do? all girls love to be pampered once in awhile dont they? maybe i'm asking too much cos i just feel as if he doesnt give a damn abt anything!!! blardy carefree happy-go-lucky pricks....
paranoia....how much is too much? being a little bit suspicous...does that constitute to paranoia? does being a little bit paranoid mean being too controlling? where do we actually draw the line? sigh...the big question i ask myself all the time. why do i let myself constantly feel paranoid abt little things he does? maybe it's all in my mind, i dont know but he definitely thinks so. but then again, he, the-one-who-doesnt-give-a-rat's-ass, doesnt have the right to tell me i'm thinking too much about nothing. or does he? oh well....it boils down to that dreaded word...TRUST
can i or can i not trust him? without trust there is no love. is that entirely true? it may be because it sounds right but being in a situation where trust is compromised for the sake of love? now can we say its entirely true? uh uh. i trust him but not totally. i give him the benefit of the doubt abt loads of things but there are certain things i just cannot believe. will not mention here but of course it has to do with a girl-friend of his. what else could it be right? oh well, guess our petty arguments which are always my fault will not end anytime soon...though i wish it would. but the only thing that would make it end quickly would be to have more faith n trust n then there'd be no paranoia. but then again, thats what's confusing me already..........................i'm faithless n trustless....if there's such a word.
paranoia....how much is too much? being a little bit suspicous...does that constitute to paranoia? does being a little bit paranoid mean being too controlling? where do we actually draw the line? sigh...the big question i ask myself all the time. why do i let myself constantly feel paranoid abt little things he does? maybe it's all in my mind, i dont know but he definitely thinks so. but then again, he, the-one-who-doesnt-give-a-rat's-ass, doesnt have the right to tell me i'm thinking too much about nothing. or does he? oh well....it boils down to that dreaded word...TRUST
can i or can i not trust him? without trust there is no love. is that entirely true? it may be because it sounds right but being in a situation where trust is compromised for the sake of love? now can we say its entirely true? uh uh. i trust him but not totally. i give him the benefit of the doubt abt loads of things but there are certain things i just cannot believe. will not mention here but of course it has to do with a girl-friend of his. what else could it be right? oh well, guess our petty arguments which are always my fault will not end anytime soon...though i wish it would. but the only thing that would make it end quickly would be to have more faith n trust n then there'd be no paranoia. but then again, thats what's confusing me already..........................i'm faithless n trustless....if there's such a word.
