Saturday, August 21, 2004
Moody yet again
Had dinner with my dad and Ju at The Talk. Again, he made me cry. It was so embarassing cos I couldn't look left, right or straight ahead so where else to look but down, straight into my plate of yummy tempura. *sigh* Dunno why my dad has this kinda affect on me. He found out I'm smoking, thinks I just started because I was in such a depressed state few months back but little does he know it's been nearly 2 years. I thought it'd kill him or rather he'd kill me if he ever found out but I think I don't give him enough credit. He was pretty cool about it. Didn't lecture me or demanded that I quit, just asked me why. Of course I shut up at that point of time. No use in me saying anything cos I think it'd just break his heart even more. I've been such a disappointment to him in so many ways already.
Tonight's dinner was an eye-opener. My bro finally told him about his gf, Michelle. I've yet to tell him anything. I don't know why but I just can't find myself confiding in my dad. Anything but my personal life. I think I won't be seeing his gf or my stepbro anytime soon. We sort of told him that we just can't accept the fact that he's got another family. Call us childish but my bro and I are pretty sensitive about it so it looks like our weekly dinners with my dad is just going to be the 3 of us not 5 anymore. *hooray?* I just hope this doesn't jeopardise our relationship with my dad. I hope we still get to see him every week.
This is depressing. I'm just glad alot of things have been sorted out but I can't help but feel that tonight has only made my dad even more disappointed in us although he would never tell that to our faces. *sigh* I've underestimated my dad. I guess there are things in life which should never be told to a parent but then again, they're the ones who's going to stick by us and support us in whatever we do. And ultimately, their love for us will never diminish. A parent's love is unconditional. Maybe I should start opening up more to him.
I'm starting to feel all guilty again. Damn. I should just end now. Night all..
Had dinner with my dad and Ju at The Talk. Again, he made me cry. It was so embarassing cos I couldn't look left, right or straight ahead so where else to look but down, straight into my plate of yummy tempura. *sigh* Dunno why my dad has this kinda affect on me. He found out I'm smoking, thinks I just started because I was in such a depressed state few months back but little does he know it's been nearly 2 years. I thought it'd kill him or rather he'd kill me if he ever found out but I think I don't give him enough credit. He was pretty cool about it. Didn't lecture me or demanded that I quit, just asked me why. Of course I shut up at that point of time. No use in me saying anything cos I think it'd just break his heart even more. I've been such a disappointment to him in so many ways already.
Tonight's dinner was an eye-opener. My bro finally told him about his gf, Michelle. I've yet to tell him anything. I don't know why but I just can't find myself confiding in my dad. Anything but my personal life. I think I won't be seeing his gf or my stepbro anytime soon. We sort of told him that we just can't accept the fact that he's got another family. Call us childish but my bro and I are pretty sensitive about it so it looks like our weekly dinners with my dad is just going to be the 3 of us not 5 anymore. *hooray?* I just hope this doesn't jeopardise our relationship with my dad. I hope we still get to see him every week.
This is depressing. I'm just glad alot of things have been sorted out but I can't help but feel that tonight has only made my dad even more disappointed in us although he would never tell that to our faces. *sigh* I've underestimated my dad. I guess there are things in life which should never be told to a parent but then again, they're the ones who's going to stick by us and support us in whatever we do. And ultimately, their love for us will never diminish. A parent's love is unconditional. Maybe I should start opening up more to him.
I'm starting to feel all guilty again. Damn. I should just end now. Night all..
