Endless Ranting

I woke up this morning in tears. I still recall the dream I had rather vividly and all the emotions that ran through me at that time. I remember going to my boyfriend's house and being barred entry into his room. Then because I was not able to speak fluent Cantonese, I overheard his mum and sister talking about some girl in his room. They thought I wouldn't be able to understand them. Then I found out that he had stayed over at her place the previous night and today, she was at his place. The worst thing was she was pregnant by him so she had to live at his place till the baby was born. I remember the hurt, the anguish and desperation I felt as I pleaded with him to reconsider letting her stay at his place. And I remember asking him to choose between her or me. Obviously, he chose to be with her because of the baby. And because I was so disorientated by everything, I forgot where I had parked my car. While looking for it, I got stabbed and robbed. *sigh* In my dream, of course. I woke up crying and feeling so depressed.

It's going to be 10pm and the feeling hasn't improved. I'm still feeling moody and sad and worthless. I think if I had a boyfriend, I'd be driving us both nuts by now. Hell, I think I'd be close to being suicidal because I think dreams are a sign. And this dream is trying to tell me something. When I was with my ex, I had repeated dreams of him cheating on me, and in the end, I found out he really was cheating on me the whole time that's why I'm so wary of having these kind of dreams now.

The weather definitely suits my mood now..dark and depressing. I suddenly have the urge to get into my car and drive off to nowhere again but the heavy rain is discouraging enough. Maybe later..