Sunday, December 19, 2004
I’ve got so many questions that have no answers. No one can provide me with the answers except for myself yet I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried forgetting the past and moving on but everything just seems to revolve around the past. The lies, deception, betrayal, disloyalty, all keep coming back to haunt me.
Why am I so pathetic? Why do I know what’s glaringly wrong yet don’t do anything about it? Or rather, I don’t know what to do. Why can’t I for once in my life be strong and do the right thing? Why do I have to constantly make the same mistakes over and over again?
I’m so sick of myself. I just feel like slitting my wrists and slowly and gladly bleed to death. These suicidal tendencies of mine seem to be more frequent nowadays. I know its pathetic and weak of me to feel this way but I just can’t help it. A coward’s way out but what’s there to be proud of being alive? I’ll just continue hating myself for being so weak and useless. I yearn to find peace within myself and to acknowledge the fact that life is indeed beautiful but I just can’t.
Call me weak, I don’t care. I don’t give a shit anymore how people see me. I just want to die.
Why am I so pathetic? Why do I know what’s glaringly wrong yet don’t do anything about it? Or rather, I don’t know what to do. Why can’t I for once in my life be strong and do the right thing? Why do I have to constantly make the same mistakes over and over again?
I’m so sick of myself. I just feel like slitting my wrists and slowly and gladly bleed to death. These suicidal tendencies of mine seem to be more frequent nowadays. I know its pathetic and weak of me to feel this way but I just can’t help it. A coward’s way out but what’s there to be proud of being alive? I’ll just continue hating myself for being so weak and useless. I yearn to find peace within myself and to acknowledge the fact that life is indeed beautiful but I just can’t.
Call me weak, I don’t care. I don’t give a shit anymore how people see me. I just want to die.
