Endless Ranting

I'm too nice. No, I'm not complimenting myself, instead I'm merely acknowledging the fact that because I'm too nice people tend to take advantage of me. I used to moan and groan to anyone who would listen that I'm too weak and too nice to stand up for myself and to say no as and when the need arises. But whats the use? They'd listen but they only get bored because it's the same old complaint yet again.

I know my mistakes. I think I'm the only person who knows me the best and that is why I'm my worst critic. I used to get hurt and then tell myself to be strong and start anew all over again but then I realised I never changed. Despite all my rants I'm still stuck in that cycle of destruction, still wandering aimlessly through life, still being too harsh on myself and worst of all, nothing's changed. I'm still weak.

Here I go again complaining about things that should get done but never does. What I've learnt so far though is to change for myself and not for others. I should not be someone others expect me to be instead I should be the person that I am able to be, with my imperfections and all. And also to love myself more and to have less self-deprecating thoughts. If others cannot deal with who I am or who I'm going to be, then I'm not going to give two f*cks about it. It's my life, not yours.

I guess I spoke too soon. I was so relieved to finally be able to go online again at home but then, something's just wrong with it. It remains connected but I can't access any websites and after a few minutes MSN shuts down on me and I can't reconnect. The funny thing is, it's still connected. Anyone out there knows what the problem is? Please help!! I can't wait another 2 weeks for my cousin to get his ass back from Penang to help us out again. *sigh*

Velene and Victor started out my birthday celebration by showering me with whipped cream after I blew out the candles. It was so unexpected because I thought the big surprise was the cake but apparently not. Went to catch White Chicks with Velene about midnight and when I got home, there the cake was. I thought ok, fine, they want to push my face into the cake as I pick out the candles with my mouth. Why not? Harmless fun. But as I lowered my head, I heard this spraying sound..I thought it was one of those spray confetti type thingys, was I wrong. Heheh..my brother got everything on video and after watching it, realised my reaction was kinda delayed cos I didn't know it was whipped cream until a whole blob of it fell onto the cake. Victor, wait till it's your turn..December's coming up really soon. :)

Then at night saw us at Red Chamber. It has been the best birthday since my 18th. I remember posting abt that many entries back. Anyway, it was just great fun being able to have everyone there. It really cheered me up after a rather dreadful week. So a big thank you to all who made it. So glad Quo Zing turned up too, thanks to Melvin. The last time I saw this guy was years ago..though I bumped into him countless times before, he didn't recognise me. The night ended with me throwing up in the kitchen sink and disclosing some very personal things to Velene. Heheh. But it was a great night so a big thanks to you guys.


me, Adlee, Mel & Boon


me, Mel, Boon & Sharon


gorgeous Mel & I


Victor, Velene, me & SiewYen


Melvin & I


Zing & I


Istvan the hearthrob..hehe


Kelvin, Daniel, me & Justin



There're more pics but I had no time to upload them into Photobucket as I couldn't access the site any longer than 5 minutes. So I guess I'll just upload everything into my Yahoo album some other time.

Time to get back to my assignments. It's going to be a long night and a lonely drive back to Bangsar from my aunt's place at Ampang by the time I'm done. *sigh* Night all

I'm back!!!!

I finally got a new CPU n that means unlimited access to the internet!!! Yipeee. Bye bye E-Zone. Bday this year was the best. Had such a fantastic time with great company. Pics and updates will be up later after the Man U-Arsenal match tonight. Bye all...

I will be loved..

I've been wondering lately. How much of yourself must one sacrifice in order to be loved? Is it worth everything in the end? To be loved? Why can't I settle for just being happy and thankful for those who do love me?

Instead I yearn for something more. That little extra that will push away any of the dark clouds that hover above me. That feeling of utter bliss and contentment that goes with the feeling of being loved by the one that really matters.

I observe my friends and their loved ones and I wonder. How do they get so lucky? How are they able to find that special someone? I see the happiness in their eyes. I feel the joy and love that radiates from just being.

A tiny stroke of the arm. The slight caress. The exchange of smiles that is reserved only for themselves. They're in a world of their own. I sit there and observe, happy that they're happy. Yet feeling sorry for myself.

But I know I am loved. By many. And that is comfort already.

Nothing worth reading

I'm at it again. I'm sitting all by my lonesome at the cybercafe just because I was bored at home. Oh gosh..I've been here since 2pm..I need to leave asap to pick up my brother from college but it's raining. Hope to make a quick dash for it...sigh...I hate getting my hair wet.

Ok enough of all that nonsense blabbering. Not going to post anything worth reading for now. Just feeling a little under the weather now. Aches everywhere. Till another day...

I had a Happy Week

This past week without a computer that functions has been a real torture. I'm so used to having the computer to turn to in my time of solace and desperation and for nights when I can't sleep but all that's changed because of my damn comp. It just refuses to start..my cousin said our hard disk has a virus. Ok..time for me to get my ass to LowYatt to get a new CPU. I cannot go on like this...I miss being able to plonk myself infront of the comp whenever I feel like it, I miss checking out who's on MSN and having trouble sleeping as well..*hint-Adeline*..I miss blogging!!!! Oh and I miss logging onto Friendster...*shy*

Enough about all that computer madness. My week has been pure bliss. Had midterms on Tuesday and Wednesday so I had the rest of the week off. Went with my brother to buy some DVDs which cost us RM78 in total but it was worth it cos I am proud to say I've finally managed to watch the final season of Friends.

My mum's back from the states. And with her came my brithday gift which is the Samsung E-800C. Coolness! Its the same phone that Mel has..hmm..ironic huh, Mel? We now have the same phone. Hehehe..it's like being back in high school when we used to have the same everything!! Had my first manicure too on Friday..with nail art and all which cost RM75!!!! So blardy expensive but my mum just loves to spoil me at times. I must have caught her in a good mood.

Then on Saturday saw me shopping with Velene and YingYing for our rave gear..as Velene called it because we were off to Regenerate that night. Nothing much to say about Regenerate except for the great company and excellent fireworks!! I love fireworks..too bad I didn't take any pics of it. We did take lots of pics of ourselves using my new phone..ehhe..I love saying it...my new phone...but too bad I can't upload them here. Wanted to stay on for Anne Savage but Esmond was tired so we left about 3am.

Its now Sunday and its back to classes tomorrow. I'm at E-Zone with Velene and Victor and I'm feeling happy. I don't know why...I just feel happy...a strange feeling really because its been awhile since I'm this happy. Hope this feeling stays. Bye all...*sobs* I don't want to end...I don't know when I will blog again. *sigh*

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been busy with assignments and a few days ago, my comp failed to start. Its still giving me loads of problems so here I am at a cybercafe updating. Its gonna be a short update cos it's now 11.45 and I've got a movie to catch at 12.15...nothing interesting to mention. Except that my bro got his 2nd tattoo..and Adeline has had her first tattoo done as well. Go check out her blog for pics. Its damn cool. Pics of my bros tattoo will be up soon...once I actually get my computer to start.

I'm still alive n kicking. No worries. Just a short note to Mel..I MISS YOU BABE!! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO MEET UP????? Ok..gotta go..Esmond is rushing e...tata