Tuesday, November 30, 2004
People can be so ignorant or just plain stupid. Was filling petrol at Shell and a lady in a Wira drove in chattering away on her handphone. She stopped just behind my car, started peering about anxiously and continued talking on the phone. In the first place if you know you're going to drive into a petrol station, tell the other party you'll call them back. Or, stop somewhere cos you're not supposed to be driving and talking on the phone at the same time anyway. This carried on even until I drove off. There're signs everywhere, ads on the radio and television warning us off the dangers of these kind of things but why do we still act dumb? Then, this other guy who was sitting on the pavement opposite Shell walked into the shop while on his phone. He wasn't fined neither was the lady in the Wira. And ironically, there were two police cars just outside Shell.
I guess that's why we don't follow the rules. Obviously enforcement isn't such a big issue in this country. The police don't care so why should we? I'm not a law-abiding citizen all the time either. I dont follow the rules strictly. But there are certain rules that should be followed and we have to realise that we are not only endangering ourselves but others too by being so reckless. I guess nowadays everyone is just too concerned about getting someplace in the shortest time possible hence not giving a rat's ass about others. That's the kind of world we're living in now. Not having enough time to stop and smell the roses.
I guess that's why we don't follow the rules. Obviously enforcement isn't such a big issue in this country. The police don't care so why should we? I'm not a law-abiding citizen all the time either. I dont follow the rules strictly. But there are certain rules that should be followed and we have to realise that we are not only endangering ourselves but others too by being so reckless. I guess nowadays everyone is just too concerned about getting someplace in the shortest time possible hence not giving a rat's ass about others. That's the kind of world we're living in now. Not having enough time to stop and smell the roses.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Went with Esmond and the 2V's for Regenerate which was held at Cyberjaya on Saturday. We hadn't planned on going because of the distance and the price of the tickets but thanks loads to Gwen & Adam who called asking whether I wanted free tickets.
Security was extra strict this time for whatever reason. Every guy had their pockets checked and all ID's had to be shown before they allowed us entry. When we went inside, we were a little taken aback by the lack of people but it was because we were early. It was about 11.30pm that time and the crowd only trickled in about an hour after that.
It was all good fun though. Got myself tipsy again and had a good laugh people-watching. No explanation needed. Took some pictures with my phone so..
the 2V's
Security was extra strict this time for whatever reason. Every guy had their pockets checked and all ID's had to be shown before they allowed us entry. When we went inside, we were a little taken aback by the lack of people but it was because we were early. It was about 11.30pm that time and the crowd only trickled in about an hour after that.
It was all good fun though. Got myself tipsy again and had a good laugh people-watching. No explanation needed. Took some pictures with my phone so..
the 2V's
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Christmas is only a month away. How time flies when you're having fun. I know it's abit early posting something about Christmas but whenever it approaches, it's sort of bittersweet for me. I cannot remember any specific happy moment but there's been many disappointments as I was a child.
One of the saddest things I remember was when I was about 6 or 7. I was sitting on the stairs with my mum and brother beside me with the front door wide open anxiously waiting for my dad to come pick us up. By that time they had already separated but he would spend occasions such as this with us. That night we were supposed to attend an annual Xmas party at his friend's house so there we were all dressed up and raring to go. I remember waiting and waiting and the constant calls to his HP but to no avail. I think we sat there for about an hour and a half till my mum got up and closed the door. I think at that moment, I realised that was it. My dad was never coming back.
I've given up waiting and have just accepted it as years pass by. No one's to blame, I understand that now.
One of the saddest things I remember was when I was about 6 or 7. I was sitting on the stairs with my mum and brother beside me with the front door wide open anxiously waiting for my dad to come pick us up. By that time they had already separated but he would spend occasions such as this with us. That night we were supposed to attend an annual Xmas party at his friend's house so there we were all dressed up and raring to go. I remember waiting and waiting and the constant calls to his HP but to no avail. I think we sat there for about an hour and a half till my mum got up and closed the door. I think at that moment, I realised that was it. My dad was never coming back.
I've given up waiting and have just accepted it as years pass by. No one's to blame, I understand that now.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
I've made a decision. I'm about to do something that many people would disapprove of. Some may even stop talking to me but I think it's something worth doing on my part. I've been deliberating constantly these past few months about what is right and what is wrong and I've come to realise that I will never know unless I go ahead with it. I may come out of this regretting all those wrong choices I made but I'm willing to sacrifice. It may haunt me for the rest of my life if it doesn't work out smoothly but again, it's my decision. No one else's. I can only hope for the best and try to move on because the past remains the past. I am now only seeking for support and encouragement from those who matter and I hope they will try to accept it as it is and not judge me. What can I say, love makes people do crazy things.
Monday, November 22, 2004
My week started off slow and ended up leaving me gasping for air. Friday night was spent with Velene, SiewYen and one of her friends, Justin finishing up our bottle at Absolute Chemistry. Because all pubs in Bangsar are forced to close at 2am, we had no choice but to leave. Sent Justin home then decided to head down to town. We were only thinking of driving around, do some people watching then head back home but because all 3 of us were in desperate need of the loo, we parked at Shangri-La just to use the toilet. A waste to pay RM7 for the toilet so we ended up heading for Passion to look for my bro. It was my first time there and if my memory serves me correctly, I was quite impressed with it, although we spent a total of 10 minutes or less there. Will definitely make it a point to go again sometime soon. We then walked all the way to look for Victor at some mamak near Citibank just so we could sober up. Made it home about 4+ feeling really blissful and contented yet sad because it left me wondering why does alcohol only make me feel happy? Why can't I be naturally happy without alcohol? I guess in a way it's some form of escapism for me because then I don't have to worry or think about alot of depressing stuff.
The first half of Saturday night saw me at Atmosphere with Esmond to celebrate my cousin's 19th birthday then off we went to Zouk. Partied and drank till about 3+ but this time, it left me wanting more. As the weekend approaches, I yearn for it but when it finally comes I feel disappointed. Instead of going out and getting drunk, I should do something more productive. Right? Dont get me wrong, I'm not an alcoholic or a drunkard. I know my limit; it's just that I need to be happy and carefree and alcohol makes me feel that way.
I'm so pathetic in that sense..
The first half of Saturday night saw me at Atmosphere with Esmond to celebrate my cousin's 19th birthday then off we went to Zouk. Partied and drank till about 3+ but this time, it left me wanting more. As the weekend approaches, I yearn for it but when it finally comes I feel disappointed. Instead of going out and getting drunk, I should do something more productive. Right? Dont get me wrong, I'm not an alcoholic or a drunkard. I know my limit; it's just that I need to be happy and carefree and alcohol makes me feel that way.
I'm so pathetic in that sense..
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Ok these pictures are from awhile back during one of those long weekend holidays. It's back to work and classes tomorrow and I'm pretty sure these pictures depict the same exact thing today as everyone makes their way back to KL. Bumper to bumper crawls. Pure torture!
I am back from a much needed holiday away from the hustle and bustle of city life. We were at the A Famosa Resort in Melaka for a night and the next night was spent by the beach at PD. It was a really good holiday filled with lots of fun and laughter and just pure madness.
The downside is I didn't get to see my mum off. She's on her way back to the States right now and she'll be gone for the next 3 months. It's sort of bittersweet as we argue constantly about everything when she's around but when she's away, I kind of miss her nagging. Haha. Not that much but I do miss those crazy antics of hers and her sharp and sarcastic one-liners. Oh well, I'm pretty used to her not being around much anyway.
One last day of hols then it'll be another few weeks till finals. Feeling kinda moody now so I'll just end here. Hope you had a good weekend!
Some pics from my fun weekend..
harmless..:)
thank God for cages
still sober?
nearly drunk
he's so red!
he's gone..i'm still fine
The downside is I didn't get to see my mum off. She's on her way back to the States right now and she'll be gone for the next 3 months. It's sort of bittersweet as we argue constantly about everything when she's around but when she's away, I kind of miss her nagging. Haha. Not that much but I do miss those crazy antics of hers and her sharp and sarcastic one-liners. Oh well, I'm pretty used to her not being around much anyway.
One last day of hols then it'll be another few weeks till finals. Feeling kinda moody now so I'll just end here. Hope you had a good weekend!
Some pics from my fun weekend..
harmless..:)
thank God for cages
still sober?
nearly drunk
he's so red!
he's gone..i'm still fine
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
The long weekend holiday is finally here!! Well, Friday is not a public holiday but for most people, I'm sure they've applied for leave already so the weekend has started for those. As for me, I have to make it for my Friday morning class. The barring list came out today and I've been barred..for all 4 of my subjects. I hope they'll approve my appeal or I'm just dead. I know its abit too late for attending classes now but I've got nothing to lose so I'm going. I just have to.
Contemplating whether should try to make it to Penang for the long weekend. In one of my previous entries I recall mentioning that I shall not attempt to travel outstation cos of the jams and just stay in KL where the roads will be empty cos most would have balik kampung but it's so tempting to just get away from it all. Well, Penang isn't the most ideal place to be at right now cos it's the festive season and most M'sians would be taking advantage of that but I thought being in Penang would cheer me up in a way. And the company makes it more tempting as well. Velene, if you read this, I'll try to let you know asap alright..just have to confirm with Esmond whether he has Raya off or not.
Its another dark and rainy evening. Am strangely looking forward to tonight. *winks* Must be the holiday mood all kicked in already.
Happy Deepavali, Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Holidays to all!!
Contemplating whether should try to make it to Penang for the long weekend. In one of my previous entries I recall mentioning that I shall not attempt to travel outstation cos of the jams and just stay in KL where the roads will be empty cos most would have balik kampung but it's so tempting to just get away from it all. Well, Penang isn't the most ideal place to be at right now cos it's the festive season and most M'sians would be taking advantage of that but I thought being in Penang would cheer me up in a way. And the company makes it more tempting as well. Velene, if you read this, I'll try to let you know asap alright..just have to confirm with Esmond whether he has Raya off or not.
Its another dark and rainy evening. Am strangely looking forward to tonight. *winks* Must be the holiday mood all kicked in already.
Happy Deepavali, Selamat Hari Raya and Happy Holidays to all!!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
I woke up this morning in tears. I still recall the dream I had rather vividly and all the emotions that ran through me at that time. I remember going to my boyfriend's house and being barred entry into his room. Then because I was not able to speak fluent Cantonese, I overheard his mum and sister talking about some girl in his room. They thought I wouldn't be able to understand them. Then I found out that he had stayed over at her place the previous night and today, she was at his place. The worst thing was she was pregnant by him so she had to live at his place till the baby was born. I remember the hurt, the anguish and desperation I felt as I pleaded with him to reconsider letting her stay at his place. And I remember asking him to choose between her or me. Obviously, he chose to be with her because of the baby. And because I was so disorientated by everything, I forgot where I had parked my car. While looking for it, I got stabbed and robbed. *sigh* In my dream, of course. I woke up crying and feeling so depressed.
It's going to be 10pm and the feeling hasn't improved. I'm still feeling moody and sad and worthless. I think if I had a boyfriend, I'd be driving us both nuts by now. Hell, I think I'd be close to being suicidal because I think dreams are a sign. And this dream is trying to tell me something. When I was with my ex, I had repeated dreams of him cheating on me, and in the end, I found out he really was cheating on me the whole time that's why I'm so wary of having these kind of dreams now.
The weather definitely suits my mood now..dark and depressing. I suddenly have the urge to get into my car and drive off to nowhere again but the heavy rain is discouraging enough. Maybe later..
It's going to be 10pm and the feeling hasn't improved. I'm still feeling moody and sad and worthless. I think if I had a boyfriend, I'd be driving us both nuts by now. Hell, I think I'd be close to being suicidal because I think dreams are a sign. And this dream is trying to tell me something. When I was with my ex, I had repeated dreams of him cheating on me, and in the end, I found out he really was cheating on me the whole time that's why I'm so wary of having these kind of dreams now.
The weather definitely suits my mood now..dark and depressing. I suddenly have the urge to get into my car and drive off to nowhere again but the heavy rain is discouraging enough. Maybe later..
Monday, November 08, 2004
I did something I shouldn't have done. I don't feel guilty but I know what I did was wrong. Now, I'm contemplating what I should do with the evidence. It cannot be thrown away. It remains hidden away in the drawer that I never open. The only thing that reminds me of what I did...is just about everything and everyone. Oh no..now I feel so awful. I've been a very bad girl. And worst of all, I dreamt of something related to it last night. Definitely guilt. If he ever finds out I don't know what he'll do. I don't want to find out. I shall go run and hide in my room now with the incriminating evidence. God please forgive me..
Thursday, November 04, 2004
I'm sick yet again. My nose is blocked and my throat is killing me. The lack of vitamins and minerals, my incessant smoking, and my rather sedentary lifestyle seems to be wreaking havoc on my immune system.
I haven't gone kickboxing in months despite all efforts by Mel in persuading me to. I've rejected Keith's numerous offers of joining Fitness First. I've given all sorts of excuses to SiewYen just so we don't have to go Lake Club's gym, and it's free too. I don't know why, I'm just lazy I guess. I just don't have the urge to get my big ass off the couch and do something productive. Even shopping doesn't sound appealing to me nowadays. Gosh, what is wrong with me? I hope the sudden lack of interest in shopping is just temporary.
Maybe I should blame it on the weather. It's been just miserable these past weeks. Heavy rains daily, strong winds, sigh. Nice weather to sleep in, though. See there I go again, harbouring all these lazy thoughts. Ok enough is enough. Time to think healthy! Hmm..there're 2 bottles of Vodka that needs finishing at Absolut and Red Chamber. Hahah..got a little side-tracked. As I was saying, healthy thoughts right? Swimming!! Yay..at Velene's apt! Ok now I just have to get a swimsuit..and that requires cash..aarrggghh..I'm just so full of excuses. Forgive me!
I'll just start thinking healthy when I don't feel so sick. Maybe next week. Mel, Sharon, kickboxing next week..promise! Hehe..*cross my heart...*
I haven't gone kickboxing in months despite all efforts by Mel in persuading me to. I've rejected Keith's numerous offers of joining Fitness First. I've given all sorts of excuses to SiewYen just so we don't have to go Lake Club's gym, and it's free too. I don't know why, I'm just lazy I guess. I just don't have the urge to get my big ass off the couch and do something productive. Even shopping doesn't sound appealing to me nowadays. Gosh, what is wrong with me? I hope the sudden lack of interest in shopping is just temporary.
Maybe I should blame it on the weather. It's been just miserable these past weeks. Heavy rains daily, strong winds, sigh. Nice weather to sleep in, though. See there I go again, harbouring all these lazy thoughts. Ok enough is enough. Time to think healthy! Hmm..there're 2 bottles of Vodka that needs finishing at Absolut and Red Chamber. Hahah..got a little side-tracked. As I was saying, healthy thoughts right? Swimming!! Yay..at Velene's apt! Ok now I just have to get a swimsuit..and that requires cash..aarrggghh..I'm just so full of excuses. Forgive me!
I'll just start thinking healthy when I don't feel so sick. Maybe next week. Mel, Sharon, kickboxing next week..promise! Hehe..*cross my heart...*
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Here are more pics from my bday. To the 2 who made my day..Velene & Victor..oh and not forgetting my brother who pakat with them to surprise me...love you guys to bits!
my near perfect cake
my bro trying to waste more whipped cream
my bday undies from the 2 V's
Velene & I all cleaned up
the 2 V's
my near perfect cake
my bro trying to waste more whipped cream
my bday undies from the 2 V's
Velene & I all cleaned up
the 2 V's
Scary stuff
I've been living the past week rather monotonously. I've been craving for some excitement, some sort of change in the way I live but life's pretty much still stagnant. Anyway, I'm not going to thread down that path again and posting stuff like this here is just depressing for everyone, not only me.
Anyway, I was reminded of my testimonial from Esmond about my fear of cats. There was this incident where we were at this mamak and there were about 3-4 cats nicely keeping to themselves. For no reason, they decided to park themselves by my feet and refused to move despite all efforts by Esmond to shoo them away. He obviously knew of my fear of cats. He tried shooting seeds at them through the straw, kicking at them, lashing out at them with the chair but to no avail. They refused to budge and of all people to be staring at through their sinister looking eyes, it had to be me. I was trying my best to stay calm but all I could see out of the corner of my eyes were those damned cats so I started to cry. It was so embarrassing but I couldn't help it. I'm that afraid of cats.
I think what made me so afraid of cats was because of those 2 evil Siamese cats in the 'Lady and the Tramp' cartoon. And then I watched Batman Returns or was it Batman Forever the one where Michelle Pfeiffer played Catwoman? And after she fell out of her bedroom window, those damned cats started eating at her. *shudders* I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it now. I know it's all fiction but it was horrifying to watch! They just look so evil. I tried being more tolerant and more accepting of cats but no good. I'm still very much afraid of them.
Another phobia of mine is with knives. It's not as bad as with cats cos I can slice stuff and all that but I always get goosebumps whenever I know I have to do something that involves knives and I try very hard to avoid it. I sliced a piece of my flesh off my thumb once while trying to open a lollipop wrapper with a knife. And I remember the oodles of blood that was pouring out into the kitchen sink. I think that was what started my fear of knives. Oh well, I can't cook anyway. Hmm..maybe it's because I'm scared of knives so that's why I don't make it a point to learn how to cook. Hah! I just thought of an excuse.
I'm also scared of fire..ironic I know cos I smoke but that's a small flame compared to the one on the stove. And so much more heat involved. Right? Ok so now I realise why I don't bother learning how to cook..cos it involves knives and fire. Hehhee. I'm ashamed that I don't know how to cook. I mean I can fry an egg and stir-fry stuff but I don't know how to prepare any elaborate meals from scratch.
Oh well, not too late to learn. If I do learn to cook, you'll be the first to know. I'm that proud. :)
I've been living the past week rather monotonously. I've been craving for some excitement, some sort of change in the way I live but life's pretty much still stagnant. Anyway, I'm not going to thread down that path again and posting stuff like this here is just depressing for everyone, not only me.
Anyway, I was reminded of my testimonial from Esmond about my fear of cats. There was this incident where we were at this mamak and there were about 3-4 cats nicely keeping to themselves. For no reason, they decided to park themselves by my feet and refused to move despite all efforts by Esmond to shoo them away. He obviously knew of my fear of cats. He tried shooting seeds at them through the straw, kicking at them, lashing out at them with the chair but to no avail. They refused to budge and of all people to be staring at through their sinister looking eyes, it had to be me. I was trying my best to stay calm but all I could see out of the corner of my eyes were those damned cats so I started to cry. It was so embarrassing but I couldn't help it. I'm that afraid of cats.
I think what made me so afraid of cats was because of those 2 evil Siamese cats in the 'Lady and the Tramp' cartoon. And then I watched Batman Returns or was it Batman Forever the one where Michelle Pfeiffer played Catwoman? And after she fell out of her bedroom window, those damned cats started eating at her. *shudders* I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it now. I know it's all fiction but it was horrifying to watch! They just look so evil. I tried being more tolerant and more accepting of cats but no good. I'm still very much afraid of them.
Another phobia of mine is with knives. It's not as bad as with cats cos I can slice stuff and all that but I always get goosebumps whenever I know I have to do something that involves knives and I try very hard to avoid it. I sliced a piece of my flesh off my thumb once while trying to open a lollipop wrapper with a knife. And I remember the oodles of blood that was pouring out into the kitchen sink. I think that was what started my fear of knives. Oh well, I can't cook anyway. Hmm..maybe it's because I'm scared of knives so that's why I don't make it a point to learn how to cook. Hah! I just thought of an excuse.
I'm also scared of fire..ironic I know cos I smoke but that's a small flame compared to the one on the stove. And so much more heat involved. Right? Ok so now I realise why I don't bother learning how to cook..cos it involves knives and fire. Hehhee. I'm ashamed that I don't know how to cook. I mean I can fry an egg and stir-fry stuff but I don't know how to prepare any elaborate meals from scratch.
Oh well, not too late to learn. If I do learn to cook, you'll be the first to know. I'm that proud. :)
Monday, November 01, 2004
I hate you because..
..you lied,
..you loved someone else although you promised that it was only me,
..you were, are and will always be insensitive,
..I wanted to believe that you would never hurt me,
..I was naive and ignorant,
..forever meant everything to me,
..you broke all promises,
..you made me cry for you,
..I put you on top of everything else,
..I am weak,
But most importantly, I hate you because you made me love you..
..you lied,
..you loved someone else although you promised that it was only me,
..you were, are and will always be insensitive,
..I wanted to believe that you would never hurt me,
..I was naive and ignorant,
..forever meant everything to me,
..you broke all promises,
..you made me cry for you,
..I put you on top of everything else,
..I am weak,
But most importantly, I hate you because you made me love you..
