Thursday, June 02, 2005
I just found out over dinner that someone very close to me is a spiritual healer. Upon hearing news like that one tends to get shocked into silence and disbelief. I was all that and more. Terrified was the key emotion because I hardly knew what spiritual healing meant. This kind of news is really hard to take in, especially when that someone plays such a major role in my life. Never once did I think he was involved in all this.
Of course there were many signs over the past 2 months but I couldn't do anything about it because of my absence. Questions remained unanswered, concerns of his escalating disturbing behavior raised yet ignored. Now after hearing all this, I kind of feel guilty. Guilty for not being more aware, for being someone he can't turn to, for not loving him enough, for being so aloof, for so many things I know I should have done yet didn't.
I don't even know whether this is something I should be worried about or should I just let him be. I've asked him to explain it to me in a way that I can understand and be supportive but he's always so vague, saying he cannot really explain it unless I have faith. But how can I have faith in this when religion is in conflict. Not that I'm a religious person because I'm definitely not but it definitely plays a role when it comes to having faith.
He's asked me to follow him to a healing session at night so that I know what he does but I'm too afraid. Afraid of what exactly, I don't really know. My faith in God tells me I should not get involved but this concerns him. How can I step back and ignore it? He won't listen to me, he never has so why should he start now?
All I can do right now is hope and pray that he's careful in everything he does, take responsibility for his actions and be strong. He's always been somewhat level-headed yet he's gone and done something to worry the people that revolve around him. Am I overreacting? Should I pretend that I'm not worried? Do I dare look him in the eye and tell him it's ok? How can I be supportive?
I don't know anything about him anymore after all these years and this makes me scared.
Of course there were many signs over the past 2 months but I couldn't do anything about it because of my absence. Questions remained unanswered, concerns of his escalating disturbing behavior raised yet ignored. Now after hearing all this, I kind of feel guilty. Guilty for not being more aware, for being someone he can't turn to, for not loving him enough, for being so aloof, for so many things I know I should have done yet didn't.
I don't even know whether this is something I should be worried about or should I just let him be. I've asked him to explain it to me in a way that I can understand and be supportive but he's always so vague, saying he cannot really explain it unless I have faith. But how can I have faith in this when religion is in conflict. Not that I'm a religious person because I'm definitely not but it definitely plays a role when it comes to having faith.
He's asked me to follow him to a healing session at night so that I know what he does but I'm too afraid. Afraid of what exactly, I don't really know. My faith in God tells me I should not get involved but this concerns him. How can I step back and ignore it? He won't listen to me, he never has so why should he start now?
All I can do right now is hope and pray that he's careful in everything he does, take responsibility for his actions and be strong. He's always been somewhat level-headed yet he's gone and done something to worry the people that revolve around him. Am I overreacting? Should I pretend that I'm not worried? Do I dare look him in the eye and tell him it's ok? How can I be supportive?
I don't know anything about him anymore after all these years and this makes me scared.
