Endless Ranting

For once in my life, I'm broke. And by broke I mean dead broke. I only had RM1 left in my wallet for 2 whole days and there were so many times in those 2 days that I wanted to go out but couldn't because that meant spending money which I didn't have. My internet connection was down at that time and I was so desperate to go to Starbucks to use the free wifi but couldn't because I had no money to buy a drink. And I had to take the long way to baby's house just now because I didn't have enough for toll. Thank God Vic paid me back RM10 so at least I've some money till my next allowance.

Went to IKEA just now with Vel and used daddy's card to pay for my purchases and because I was so desperate for some cash, I agreed to sign for Vel's candle and took the cash from her. I feel so bad for what I did but I promise I'll pay my dad back when I do get my allowance. Sometimes I don't even know where my money goes to every month. I really have nothing to show for it. I guess most of it's spent on toll, parking, food and Marls. :(

I think it's time I keep a record of my spending so at least I'll know what to cut down on every month. I guess I could do without my mani/pedi? And less yamcha sessions at Starbucks? I should just be a hermit and stay at home so I won't have to spend money on anything. Someone please share with me the best way to save money.

Boy, was Velene surprised. She was pretty pissed off at me when I told her I wasn't able to go over to get high with her on her birthday but little did she know Vic and I were planning her surprise meet-up at A&W. Ok so A&W was more of Vic's idea than mine but it's ok because I did my part to fool her. Hehehe. Sorry it wasn't a better surprise, girl but I just hope you had fun that night.


the bday girl


the 2Vs


Patrick & Brenda


Brenda, Vel & me


Patrick smiling after finding out his pic will be in my blog


Vic trying to be like flush

Happy Birthday, Velene!!!

Just wanted to let you know again how much your friendship means to me. It doesn't take a special occasion like your birthday to tell you because not a single day can go by where I do not thank God for bringing you into my life. You know my deepest, darkest secrets; you've shared with me tears and laughter; you've been by my side through absolutely everything and I just want to say thank you. Hope your birthday this year as well as every other day will be full of happiness because that's what you deserve. Love you lots, girl..

Listening to certain songs at such an hour with no one around does something to me. I'm feeling all sappy tonight so Celine's high on my playlist. When this song started playing it brought back memories of S'pore when KitYi and I would have this song on repeat the entire night we were 'studying'. I can't recall the reason for this song being on repeat but right now, it's so close to how I'm feeling.

Take me, back into the arms I love..
Need me, like you did before..
Touch me once again, and remember when
there was no one that you wanted more...

Funny how a song can either lift your spirits or send you spiralling down a deep dark hole. I prefer the former; who wouldn't so it's time to change songs. Don't want to be more depressed than I already am. At least there're some things to look forward to tomorrow like watching Initial D for free and having lunch with daddy after.

Went for a movie marathon with the 2Vs yesterday. Being the cheapskates that we are, we took advantage of the free movies GSC was showing in conjunction with their grand opening at One Utama. Ok so our movie marathon only consisted of The Jacket and Coach Carter but they were pretty good. I love GSC's new cinema with its ample leg space and bigger, more comfortable seats. I wonder just how long TGV will last with it's new competition but all's fair in love and war so bring on the competition, I say.


this is where you get your tickets checked


which hall to enter?


a very chirpy Vel and sullen Vic


if only dreams came true


with my girl


with the 2Vs

By the way, the rest of the US pics have been added below. I didn't realise how many I've uploaded till after...sorry!!

Have decided to post some pics from my US holiday. It's about time I guess since some people have been asking me for pictures and I'm no longer going back there. I'm only posting up a few here so do enjoy!!

Huntington Beach, CA

this is where we stayed


the path where I'd sneak off to smoke at night


our 1st breakfast in California

In San Diego for Cinco De Mayo

scenic view of San Diego


on the way to Old Town where the festival's held


entering the site


the concert


giant pinata


having some fun


mummy's new dates


waitress with the beautiful eyes

Las Vegas, Nevada

few minutes from Las Vegas


the view of part of the Strip from the car


Stratosphere Tower


the hotel we stayed at in the background, Harrahs


recognise this from Miss Congeniality 2?


Bellagio


Ceasers Palace


the Wynn Hotel opened just a few days before we arrived

Hoover Dam & Grand Canyon

Hoover Dam behind us


simply breathtaking


another shot


too scared to stand too near to the edge

Pictures from NY, Chicago and Michigan will be up another time. I'm too lazy to do it now. And if I go through anymore of these pictures I'll start crying so I'm off to bed. Night all..

/edit

New York, New York

at Chinatown


us at Little Italy


Times Square


just before visiting the famous lady


New York in the background


guess who!!


Statue of Liberty behind us


on Ellis Island


baby being patriotic in the Ellis Island Immigration Museum


about to leave Ellis Island


view from the Empire State Building


on top of the world


at Central Park


cam-whoring in Central Park


at Bryant Park, the NY Public Library right behind


T-Rex at the Museum of Natural History


baby seems to blend right in..:P


cam-whoring in the museum


baby inside Grand Central Station


lunching at Bryant Park on our last day in NY


New York at night

Chicago for just a day

view of Sears Tower from the car


the Chicago White Sox stadium


the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake here is to die for


braving the cold and wind at Navy Pier
it's not called the Windy City for nothing

Michigan

first dinner baby cooked for me


view from his balcony


at Holland, Michigan for Tulip Time


row after row of gorgeous tulips


a windmill


love the color of these tulips


at South Haven


reflections of sand & feet


baby deep in thought


his & hers


a weak attempt at drawing a turtle


being a kid again


baby's fave picture


my last night in US

Leaving for KL

in the plane


ok everyone takes pictures of clouds from the airplane


bye bye..:(

My aunt arrived yesterday armed with yummy cherries and cocoa coated almonds. Seeing the cherries reminded me that Cat was supposed to take me cherry picking with her in Michigan. *tears* And she mentioned strawberries too. And apples. Ok I shall stop now. This is getting too depressing.

Is anyone going for this?? Keith, remember July 6th and 14th..you promised! But I know you're only going to keep me company since you've already watched most of the shows so a thank you in advance. No, thanking you is not a ploy to make sure you go with me.

Bad's back in town and Rina's going back to UK tomorrow. Damn, today's the only day we'll get to finally go out as a threesome again and no plans have been made. The last time all of us met up together was 3-4 years ago. Ok going to make some calls now. Its going to be 4..oh no..where did the day go???

Waiting for my cousin to come pick me up so we can head to KLIA to pick up my aunt and uncle who are coming back from their US holiday. *sniff* I wish I was being sent off instead of picking someone up. I so want to go back to the States. I don't hate being in KL, I just can't stand alot of things about this place I call home. I hope I'll be able to transfer my credits ASAP so I can say bye-bye to everyone and everything.

He might now return after his studies so it looks like this relationship is going to remain long-distance for a pretty long time, if we're still together by then. But I'm done being so dependant on guys because it's such a waste of time and effort. It has gotten me nowhere so far.

Ok, gotta go. Last night's race was a mockery, by the way. But I watched it till the end nevertheless. Oh..Sharon, Mel, I won't be going to the States tomorrow afterall so call me whenever you guys are free to meet up alright? See you soon..

In answer to your question, I do not go clubbing/pubbing every weekend. I do not spend my entire weekend getting pissed drunk, neither do I enjoy the smoky atmosphere that you claim to be one of the reasons people club so stop generalising things. Just because we do not share the same interests doesn't give you the right to be so condescending. It's not yours or anyone else's concern how I live my life, whether I choose to waste some of my nights with people that matter and just letting our hair down or whether we do or do not get drunk. You may like to spend your weekends going to church or spending time with the bf or even engaging in your many hobbies but some people do things differently. I don't go telling you to your face you have no life neither do I imply such a thing because how you choose to spend your weekends is entirely up to you. So just leave me alone, will you?

Pictures from an extremely wild night out at The Loft. Thanks to Sherein who managed to get us all passes and many thanks to flush who sent me home this morning. Vel, hope you had a great time last night because I definitely did..*smooches*




everyone imitating flush's trademark pose


the 2Vs & the twins


layan only


Marcus & Velene


with Marcus


with my cousin


cousin & his friends


Sherein & Velene


flush in btw the power couples


posers


glo & Sherein


2Vs copying the power couple


huggies


with Jon, the friendly Sabahan waiter


looking cool


us


working it out on the dancefloor


er..someone help him?


Jungle Jerry


Sherein abt to do her thing

Went to the Starbucks at Plaza Damas with the hopes of catching the Starbucks Music Series but by the time we got there, there were no more seats left inside. I did manage to catch a few minutes worth as I was ordering and I so wish we could have been inside. What a waste. And I missed Vel's big 'date' with Jojo Struys for this. Girl, hope you had a great time having dinner with her. Remember to send me pics soon yeah.

I'm still on holidays and again, I've got too much time to waste. Which is good because that means more time to catch up with friends over tea/coffee. I wonder how my life would be when I finally start working. Adeline keeps complaining how drained of energy she feels everyday that shopping doesn't even interest her anymore and Mel's so busy with work that we keep postponing our bitching sessions. Which is understandable of course. I just hope when my time comes, I'll be able to find a healthy balance between work and play yet remaining productive at the same time.

And yes, I do want to start working. I can go on dreaming about marrying rich and living a life of luxury but then reality sinks in and I know I'd be bored as hell with nothing to do except bask in wealth. When I'm out with the girls, we're constantly in dreamland about our future role as tai-tais but that's all we do...dream...because we know we'll never be satisfied with life that way.

Ramblings yet again..night!

It's been a pretty eventful week, surprisingly but the highlight would be the much anticipated visit to Luna Bar on Saturday for Vel's early birthday celebration. This girl has been freaking out over her CLP preparations so a night out would do her some good. I hope.

And I just realised how nice The Curve is, with its quant little shops and abundance of restaurants. Last night saw us at Winter Warmers where their selection of beverages is so wide that we took such a long time deciding what to order. Pretty steep prices though but well worth it. Definitely a good place to sit back and relax over a nice cup of tea and that's exactly what we did. I just love the open air concept of The Curve. Too bad the weather's so unforgiving.

Please excuse me from being such a selfish, insensitive bitch. I do not purposely want to portray myself as one but can't help it if people think so. Why do I care so much, you ask? Well, I just can't help it. Should I be doing something about this? Yes, I should and I am. Is it so wrong to expect something more although you know without a doubt that's the most you're going to get? Why can't I just settle for the small little gestures and then end up disappointed when I don't get more? Because I'm selfish, plain and simple. I want it all..

Some random, meaningless thoughts in the wee hours of the morning..
I long to be alone at home but my brother just had to come back early for once in weeks and disturb the peace.
I feel like driving aimlessly but the thought of getting lost again is deterring me. I somehow ended up in Sg Buloh a couple of nights ago.
I have this sudden urge to consume a whole tub of ice-cream that's been sitting in the freezer for weeks now.
There're 4 magazines to flip through and 3 books that needs reading but I'm just not in the mood although I've got nothing else to do.
I don't understand how some people can choose their partners based solely on their looks. Shallow indeed.
Sitting in Starbucks just now made me think about the first time I tried the White Chocolate Mocha in NY. *slurps*
I miss being in Cempaka where it was fun, fun, fun every single day.
Listening to 2 songs on repeat the entire night does something..it makes me feel like running away from everything. Simple Plan's Untitled and Howie Day's Collide. Don't ask me how and why.
How can I stop feeling sorry for my pathetic existence?
Missing a certain someone is really pointless right now because it'll only complicate things further and I don't want to go down that path again.
Do some guys take down a girl's number in a club just for bragging's sake?
How does someone give up something they've been addicted to for so long?
I'm so thankful for my girl-friends and the 2 boy-friends that bring light into my life although it's constantly shrouded in darkness and gloom.
Do birds know where they're flying to or do they go wherever the flock of them go?
I need sleep.

I don't normally drink coffee but I'm halfway through Starbucks' bottled mocha frappuccino all because of F1 later tonight. Oh a note to those who have been SMSing me, don't bother. All I see is a bright white light so I'm unable to read or send SMSes. I can't see who's calling either so if you've miss called me and I've not returned your call, don't think I'm avoiding you. Anyone care to buy me a new phone? I'm not that fussy. Aih I'll probably go get it fixed one of these days when I'm fed-up with not being able to see who's calling.

Anyway, it's been a terrible few weeks for someone so especially dear to me that at times I just don't know the right words to say or the right thing to do. And in the end, nothing matters because it'll never make it right again. All I can do is hope and pray that he'll be alright and that he realises there're so many people who'll be there for him whenever. Life's so full of unexpected events that it affects our everyday routine but in the end, we just have to pick up the pieces and try to move on, no matter how difficult. I have faith that he can and will.

To all who knew you
You brought joy and radiated happiness
A selfless love that will live on
Forever etched in memory

To all who knew you
You brought the gift of generosity
Touching every heart
Making an impact in everyone's life

To all who knew you
You will never be forgotten
Deeply missed and always thought of
Your memory will forever live in our hearts


My condolences to you and your family. In this time of grief and sadness, may you and your family find the joy and happiness in all the memories that he has left behind.

Had a meet-up session with my classmates from Taylors a few hours ago. Velene and Adeline are prominently featured in my blog so this post is specially dedicated to Brenda. We've quite alot of things in common namely we both studied in S'pore then did A Levels back in KL only to end up doing ADP after that. Oh and we're both Librans. Hehe. It was fun to finally be able to catch up after numerous attempts on both sides to get together with the rest. Too bad Sophia was tied up with something else or it'd be a nice gathering as we're all finally in the same country. The rest were sorely missed of course so Hang Yen, Adlee, Istvan, Hsern Wei, get your asses back to KL soon yeah.


Patrick & Brenda


the 2V's


my date for the night


the bfs


the gfs


Libra girls

Why do we always wish for something so badly then when it's right in front we pretend or rather we don't give a damn about it only to regret after losing it the second sometimes third time round. Why do we have to keep feeling the lost although we've got something even greater to look forward to?

Why trace our steps to things that have done us wrong and left a bittersweet aftertaste instead of rallying on towards a new beginning? Is the past that hard to let go of? Isn't the past supposed to teach us a lesson so that we become better people in the future?

I just realised I shouldn't drink when I'm feeling depressed because it makes me do stupid and regretful things. And when the sun rises the day after, there's no sunshine only gloomy shadows that hover above me.

Sorry for last night's phone call. I know I was being stupid, as always. To cry over something that may seem so insignificant to you actually meant so much to me, you can never imagine how much. Thanks for your words of comfort and advice and most importantly, for keeping me on the right path.

I just found out over dinner that someone very close to me is a spiritual healer. Upon hearing news like that one tends to get shocked into silence and disbelief. I was all that and more. Terrified was the key emotion because I hardly knew what spiritual healing meant. This kind of news is really hard to take in, especially when that someone plays such a major role in my life. Never once did I think he was involved in all this.

Of course there were many signs over the past 2 months but I couldn't do anything about it because of my absence. Questions remained unanswered, concerns of his escalating disturbing behavior raised yet ignored. Now after hearing all this, I kind of feel guilty. Guilty for not being more aware, for being someone he can't turn to, for not loving him enough, for being so aloof, for so many things I know I should have done yet didn't.

I don't even know whether this is something I should be worried about or should I just let him be. I've asked him to explain it to me in a way that I can understand and be supportive but he's always so vague, saying he cannot really explain it unless I have faith. But how can I have faith in this when religion is in conflict. Not that I'm a religious person because I'm definitely not but it definitely plays a role when it comes to having faith.

He's asked me to follow him to a healing session at night so that I know what he does but I'm too afraid. Afraid of what exactly, I don't really know. My faith in God tells me I should not get involved but this concerns him. How can I step back and ignore it? He won't listen to me, he never has so why should he start now?

All I can do right now is hope and pray that he's careful in everything he does, take responsibility for his actions and be strong. He's always been somewhat level-headed yet he's gone and done something to worry the people that revolve around him. Am I overreacting? Should I pretend that I'm not worried? Do I dare look him in the eye and tell him it's ok? How can I be supportive?

I don't know anything about him anymore after all these years and this makes me scared.

Time seems to just whiz by. Before I know it, it's time to turn the lights off and welcome that hazy state of slumber. But it's not as simple as that. When I'm lying in bed with my eyes closed, it's my time to think and reflect on things, people and events. People say I think too much, that I read into things too deeply and that is the reason for all my worries. Dare I agree with them? Sadly, they're somewhat right. I'm pretty easy to judge. Most of my close friends know what a worrywart I am and how insecure I can be over the littlest things. And it's times like those that I am at my most vulnerable. Impatient, annoyance and frustration are how most would feel when I won't stop complaining and fretting over issues that really should not matter. Sorry but this is who I am. Love me or hate me, that's all up to you.