Endless Ranting

I've been having a headache for the past 4 days. It's this throbbing pain on the right side and everytime someone touches me, my head hurts. Don't know how it's connected though. I think it's the blasted weather and the lack of water that's bringing on these pains. Too much sleep maybe? Or the lack of it? Anyway, who cares. I just feel like ranting about it so sue me.

Classes start in about 2 weeks and I'm looking forward to it. I've been on a holiday long enough, my brain's itching to be filled with useful information once again. Right...anyway, I can't believe how fast time has passed. It's going to be August in a few days and in a few more months, it'll be Christmas! Won't be getting any presents from daddy this year because according to him, I've already received 5 years worth of birthday and Christmas presents combined from the recent US holiday. I guess he's right and no, I'm not complaining. I'm just feeling abit guilty for having been so stupid yet again. But we learn from mistakes so here's hoping there won't be a repeat in the near future. I just hope my heart will listen to my head sometimes. Then again, that 1 month in the States has just left me with so many sweet memories that there are simply no regrets there.

Alright then going to have an early night tonight. Didn't sleep one bit last night due to the foreign bed and the aircond blowing directly at our faces the whole night. And we spent practically the whole day today in the car. Damn KL traffic and weather.

My mum’s been nagging and complaining non-stop that she hardly sees me anymore and that I never confide in her like I used to. When she called during dinner with Mel, she asked to speak to her just so that she could ask her to take care of me and make sure I was ok. It irritates me that she has to ask my friends to look after me as if I’m a little kid or something but I can understand. I think she’s more concerned now because of what happened with him and she’s hardly seen me at home since then. She even got my aunt worried about me because the first thing my aunt said to me when I saw her this morning was that I was looking pale and that I shouldn’t be going out too much. I really hate doing this to them. It should be my problem but it seems as if I’m affecting them as well and that’s the last thing I want to do. But how can I stay home and mope in front of them if I don’t want them to worry? It’s only when I’m at home when I start thinking too many unwanted thoughts and start getting all moody. I think I’ve been pretty good at keeping things in so far because none of my friends seem to be overly concerned like my mum but I guess it’s because she knows me too well. She’s able to see through my façade. I wish I could talk to her but I don’t know where to begin. I just don’t want to think about it anymore.

Anyway, who wants to win a 20GB iPod? You’ve to be close friends with your ex and your partner must be ok with it. Overheard this contest on Hitz.FM earlier this evening but when I checked out their website there was nothing regarding it. And I’m sure I’m not hearing things because Mel mentioned it over dinner as well. I so want to win an iPod. I’d prefer the mini but getting a 20GB one for free shall suffice for now. Hehe. Yes, I shall continue dreaming.

Thinking that staying away from home is the best thing for me is just pathetic and weak. Instead I’ve been getting myself into so much trouble and my mum’s been calling every night threatening to tell my dad of my late night excursions if I don’t come back straightaway. I of course listen and ignore but deep inside the guilt is getting to me and so I’m home early tonight and guess what. She isn’t. Oh well, she deserves her fun so I shall not even bother being angry about it.

Missed F1 yet again because Astro’s still out but after reading what happened online, all I can say is poor Kimi. How many more races must he have to endure these mechanical mishaps? I’m a Ferrari supporter but it’s sad in a funny way to watch and read about poor Kimi. Hehhehe..

And a note to a certain someone. We knew all along what would happen if you continued acting the way you did. We’ve sat through your tears and heartache and the endless bitching, said what we assumed would be the right words hoping that at least some part of it would be instilled in your brain, supported and encouraged you in whatever you decided and prayed silently that you wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Deep down I’m sure you know what you’re getting yourself into because it’s so obvious to the rest of us but why do you choose to ignore it? All these years of advice and constant reminders from us and yet you’re inviting trouble all over again. I personally cannot say much more than this because I’m just like you but I really hope for your own sake and sanity that you remember what you went through so many times before. Please don’t torture yourself like this again. It’s so not worth it.

Thursday night has proven the point that sales is definitely not my forte. It was tiring and exhausting having to actually coax people into trying the free samples of honey let alone make a purchase. Yes, we sold honey. But we were not expecting to sell everything anyway so it was good that we sold enough to cover the rental of the stall. I don’t know whether it’ll be a weekly thing because Sophia was pretty discouraged at the end of the day but it was a really fun experience anyhow. I wouldn’t actually mind renting a stall by myself provided I had something useful to sell. Mel and I used to frequent Jess’s stall which sells accessories and she’s been there for 2 years. She’s apparently my ex’s cousin. A small world indeed.





Woke up the next day tired but excited because I was finally going to meet up with Badriyyah. After lunch at Chilis we accompanied Velene to look for work clothes at Zara where we cam-whored like silly yet again. We were in the changing room this time.











Headed to Burger King at night to wait for Iskandar and it was a good thing he was late because they had some fireworks display going on. I just love fireworks so it was fortunate I had my camera with me. Esmond then SMSed me asking whether I saw the fireworks because he saw them from his friend’s apartment somewhere along Jalan Ipoh.







Met up with Esmond at Beach Club after that where we finished off the bottle of Bacardi Limon. I’m never going back there again. The amount of prostitutes there is alarming. Everywhere I looked, there were Cuacasian/Indian men picking up foreign women. A woman sat herself by our table and I thought she was waiting for friends or something but then some Indian men approached her and started negotiating with her. Despite the loud music I could still hear their conversation. She left with one of those men shortly after. What happened to those times when we could step into a club without having to witness all this?

Just got back from playing pool with the 2Vs and the twins. Shameful indeed. Vel and I took an hour to finish up 2 games while Vic and Marcus finished up 6. I so suck at pool but I'm slowly getting it. I think. Going off to bed now. The pitter-patter of raindrops will be the last thing I hear before I drift off to dreamland. I love the rain only at these times.

If you noticed, I had a haircut. Ok fine so it may look the same but it's definitely shorter than before. I miss my long hair.

What started out as a celebratory dinner for Velene turned into a night of camwhoring and dancing to I’m too Sexy on the guy’s part. Too bad I can’t upload the video of it here. It's so damn funny I've decided to adopt it as my personal cheer-up video. An eventful night indeed so I’ll just let the pictures speak for itself. Ok maybe with some added captions by yours truly. Hehe


Vel with her tiramisu


with Vel


with Marcus


the 2Vs


just the 4 of us


prelude to a submarine


Marcus downing it


Blue=my mood;Strawberry=Vel's fave


attempting a RIP sign for the graveyard

After effects of the graveyard..















There are a total of 104 pictures and the majority of them are of Vic. See who's the bigger camwhore! Ok I'm off to bed now. I've managed to block him out of my mind most of the day but it's at night when he comes to visit me. Jeez...enough is enough!

Mel and I used to have our weekly yamcha sessions at Mt Kiara on Thursdays only because of the flea market. Since she’s left to Mercer, it’s been ages since my last visit there. This Thursday however, I’ll be there helping Sophia man a stall. It’ll just be us girls trying our luck at selling something. I won’t say what it is we’re selling here so if you really want to know, do make your way to Mt Kiara this Thursday, yeah. It hasn’t been raining these past two days so I’m keeping my fingers crossed it’ll stay that way on that day.

Anyway, it’s been awhile since I met up with so many people all in one day. First it was lunch with Melissa at Chilis, and then it was tea with my dad at Alexis for a much needed pep talk, followed by drinks at Cockpit with Marcus and finally coffee with Sharon. I’ve been making all sorts of plans for the week just so that I’ve got an excuse to get out of the house. Last night was spent at Velene’s place helping Vic out with sticking labels on postcards because they needed about 3000 done by the next morning. I think it took about 2 hours just to get 1250 done. My eyes were closing and my back was aching so badly but it was worth it. It managed to keep my mind off a lot of things.

Ok The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants has just been downloaded. I’ve got an extra distraction now.

There're so many thoughts running through my mind but nothing seems to mean anything right now. The emptiness I've been feeling in my heart remains. Nothing could be done, nothing much else could be said. To those who are going to see me, please don't ask if I'm ok because I don't want to lie. And I don't want to cry or be emotional. Better to keep it in? We'll see how long I can last being in denial.

Thank you for the memories. I'll never regret what we started.

We had our so-called A Levels mini reunion today because HangYen was finally back from UK for a few months holiday and Istvan had just returned after a 2 month training from UK. Although not all of us could make it, it was worth it because it has been years since some of us have met up with her. We had a great time reminiscing and catching up and it was a good 2 hour distraction for me.


mini class of 2000/17


with Adeline & HangYen


Velene & the guest of honor


the 2 'men'

It’s a Saturday night and here I am blogging. Everyone worth seeing is either out with their other half or out partying the night away somewhere. Currently not in the mood to club or socialize, I’m sitting at home with a self-made drink. Plans on getting myself drunk is out of the question of course because there’s not enough left in the bottle of Hennessy to even get me tipsy. And what fun is there in getting drunk with no one around to witness it. Right? And no, people, I’m not drowning myself in sorrows as you may think. I’m just utilizing what’s left in that damn bottle. The sooner it’s empty, the less temptation I’ll feel everyday.

Was supposed to meet my cousin at Bangsar because according to him, a jug of beer only costs RM25 at Castle, the former Roof. Too bad my mum has decided to be a good girl and stay home tonight. When she saw me changed, she started giving me this lecture about how dangerous it is for a girl to go out so late at night (I know, I know), how I should stay home in the event he calls (hah!!!), how I shouldn’t expose myself to danger because there’re so many bad people who don’t give a damn whether or not you’re armed with a pepper spray or whether you walk with confidence (nods head and ignore). It’s nice seeing her getting all worked up because I hardly get to see it but it gets so irritating as it’s the same lecture over and over again. The funny part is, she asked me earlier what the hell I was doing home on a Saturday night. And why the hell not, that’s my retort.

Oh shit, my mum just came down and saw me refilling my glass, asked me what I was drinking and when I said Coke, she said don’t think I can’t smell alcohol. Then, she offered to drink with me. But of course I told her no way, what’s left isn’t enough for the both of us. Since she won’t let me go out to drink, I’ll stay at home and do it. She’s gone up to sleep now but not before muttering that I’m slowly turning into my dad. Hey, he drinks beer and I’d rather not have beer ok! It’s too late to get my cousin to come pick me now and the pubs in Bangsar shut at 2am anyway.

The worst part of it all is that my Astro bill hasn’t been paid so I’ve got no access to television. I’ve got the Internet, my Marls, my fast diminishing alcohol, and my wit to keep me company tonight. Ok enough pitying in one entry. I’ll be back.

So many people told me to get out of the relationship because they saw something I refused to see. And they were right. The same bunch of people advised me when I was nursing a broken heart to not rush into another relationship so soon. And they were right. Then, they said to take time off men and stay single because that was the best for me. Yes, they were right again. Too bad I never paid heed all these years.

Have I been expecting too much? Am I seen as the clingy, possessive type who demands attention 24/7? What is it about me that can never sustain a relationship? What makes them cheat on me? Why is it they can just shut me out? What did I ever do to deserve such treatment? I'm destined to have bad luck in relationships, that I'm pretty sure of. Why can't I just be happy for once?

Managed to catch 2 movies at the Starlight Cinema event. The first show we watched was Samara and the other was Mr & Mrs Smith. It has been raining the past few nights so we came prepared with umbrellas but it didn't help much as we got soaked anyway. But it was a fun experience despite the rain and the cold. It'll be ending this Saturday with the screening of the LOTR trilogy yet again so anyone who's up for it, be well prepared for a long night. Thanks to Leonard for the passes and to Keith who sacrificed his car seats just so we didn't have to walk the long way back to our cars.

6th-Screening of Samara






14th-Screening of Mr & Mrs Smith

I woke up at 10 this morning after 9 hours of sleep and I still managed to take a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. Not bad considering the lack of sleep these past weeks and that I can't nap. But I feel like shit now. So damn lazy and lethargic. You should see the way I'm typing this, lying down on the couch with the earphones plugged in and the laptop propped up on a pillow. And I stayed home the whole day too. I'm so proud of myself. Not.

Someone's making me all emotional and vulnerable and I don't know what to do about it. I somehow know what should be done but I'm too scared I'll be making the wrong decision yet again. But then that's the story of my life so I guess I'll never know unless I go ahead with it. I tend to put things off until it's too late to confront the issue so we'll just see what happens within the next few weeks.

I hate being put in this kind of situation. I'm never satisfied with the littlest gestures because I know I deserve more than this. And for whatever reason you're staying away, you're slowly but surely pushing me away. Why bother coming up with all sorts of lame excuses? Do you think I'll continue to keep quiet and let you push me around like this? Don't ever try to underestimate me just because I let you get away with it. I, like any other human being, have feelings so it's time you start remembering that. I just hate this.

Oh a note to Jace, whenever you do get to read this, I hope you have a great time in Hong Kong. I wish I could do what you did. Wake up in the morning and decide there and then to go on a holiday just because you thought the weekend was going to be boring. Heheh you never fail to impress me, you know that? Take good care and have a fabulous time.

Going to the gym today was a total waste of time and it's all Keith's fault. After enduring nearly 3 and 1/2 hours of physical torture, I told myself I should start eating more healthily. I was being such a good girl until he tempted me with oily food from BK. I know I'm solely at fault for having such a weak resistance towards all things fattening but then blaming him is more fun. Anyway, thanks for listening to me bitch and rant the entire time. It's your punishment for making me eat. See you on Thursday! :P

Missed F1 just now because I didn't want to turn down Velene's invitation for McD's french fries. I've been such a glutton these past weeks. Never saying no to fattening food, bingeing on Hershey's late at night when I can't sleep, having too many yamcha sessions for my own good, and sometimes eating a complete meal even after midnight. I seriously hope my sleeping hours will return to normal so I don't have to go out so late anymore. But what's normal anyway?

Luckily my gym membership has begun. Have gone twice so far and it's been fun. Been literally working my ass off due to the killer RPM classes. And what's with all the aunties and their toned bodies? So unfair. And they sure can move when it comes to the belly dancing and salsa classes. Sophia and I did not know where to hide our faces when we saw them. Everyone keeps saying we'll lose interest in it after 2 months but I hope to prove them wrong. Check back with me in 2 months yeah.

Anyways, it's late and I've got to force myself to go to sleep. Will be going swimming in the morning then off to the gym at night. I hope I don't turn into some gym freak because the main reason I'm going is to be more healthy. Leading a too sedentary lifestyle does more harm than good anyway. Right..I tell myself that anyway.

Damn it I've got no vowels. Currently in the midst of playing Scrabble with the 2Vs while waiting for baby to come over. I think I shall give up soon. Do you know how hard it is to come up with words consisting of absolutely no vowels? Ok maybe I'm just too lazy to think right now. It's been a crazy week. I'm tired. Sorry but I'm just not in the mood to properly construct my sentences but I felt I needed to blog. Hehe. Another month to go till term starts. *yawn*

I'm back home after a late night rendezvous with my girl and her other half who loves irritating the hell out of me. Being intoxicated, he called the waiter over, reminding him of the teh ais he ordered earlier which was already sitting right in front of him. And the funny thing is he had already taken a sip from it. We shouldn't have said anything. We should have just let the waiter bring him another teh ais. Hehe. God knows how much he had to take to be this blur. You said to remind you of this incident so here I am blogging about it as promised. Don't come smsing me later on telling me to remove this post ok.

On a slightly better note, my mum will be back on Sunday. Am looking forward to her return because at least the house won't feel so empty anymore. It really sucks at times, especially when you're feeling discontented with so many things and there's no one you can really turn to but just the thought of someone waiting for you at home is comforting enough. I really hope she stays at home more often this time round but I know I shouldn't get too used to it because she'll just leave again after a month or so. Everyone important to me seems to just pack up and leave. Why can't I have more permanence in my life?